Hold the eggnog, folks, because the Sussexes are stirring up a different kind of Christmas dish – and boy, does it smell spicy. Meghan and Harry have dropped a holiday video with all the subtlety of a Kardashian crying session, and let’s just say, it’s enough to make even Ebenezer Scrooge roll his eyes.
Remember those high school montages with shaky camera work and questionable music choices? Yeah, imagine that, but replace acne with royalty and self-importance with, well, more self-importance. That’s basically what we’re dealing with here. Cue the generic power ballad, the montage of hugs with conveniently awestruck strangers (because who wouldn’t be starstruck by a hug from Haz?), and enough earnest gazing into each other’s eyes to give even Disney royalty a cavity.
It’s practically a Christmas miracle how timely this whole production is. Just days after Kate Middleton steals the show with a down-to-earth video of her packing presents for underprivileged kids (no Coldplay anthems needed, thank you very much), the Sussexes decide to drop their “look at us, we’re good” reel a month early. Is it pure coincidence, or a desperate attempt to steal the spotlight before the eggnog fog sets in?
Let’s be honest, Brand Sussex ain’t exactly sizzling these days. Their tell-all book flopped harder than a fruitcake at a vegan party, and the public seems a tad weary of their carefully curated PR charade. But hey, who needs good press when you can have kangaroo anus and bull’s penis on your resume? Maybe a future stint on that jungle reality show where washed-up celebs eat bugs and cry into cameras isn’t so far-fetched after all. After all, with every cringeworthy video and self-important speech, Harry inches closer to that coveted reality TV crown.
So, grab your popcorn, folks, because the Sussexes are serving up the holiday drama with extra cheese. Just remember, while you’re unwrapping presents and dodging fruitcake projectiles, keep an eye out for Harry chowing down on a creepy crawly – it might just be the highlight of your Christmas.