Princess Beatrice—you know, the one with the fancy hats and actual royal blood—is getting a big security upgrade. That’s right, folks, the Home Office’s Royal and VIP Executive Committee (RAVC) is stepping up to protect our girl Bea whenever she’s out there representing the royal family. It’s like she’s got her own personal secret service, but with more tea and more crumpets.

It’s not just about keeping Bea safe from overzealous hat enthusiasts or people trying to get her autograph. Oh no, this is where things get spicy. Enter stage left, Meghan Markle, the Duchess of drama herself. Apparently, our girl Meghan is not too happy with Bea right now. In fact, word on the street is that Meghan’s gone full-on Mean Girls and is threatening to see Beatrice. And let me tell you, when Meghan says she wants to “see” someone, she doesn’t mean for a friendly cup of tea and a chat about the weather.

Now, why, you ask? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this is where it gets good. Apparently, Beatrice has committed the cardinal sin in Meghan’s book—she’s sided with William. That’s right, Beatrice has chosen Team Cambridge over Team Sussex, and Meghan is not having it.

Now, let’s rewind slightly. Remember Megxit, that whole debacle where Harry and Meghan decided they’d had enough of royal life and jetted off to Cali faster than you can say “Netflix deal”? Well, apparently, Beatrice wasn’t a fan. In fact, word is she’d been backstabbing Megxit left, right, and center. But wait, there’s more. It’s not just Bea who’s turned her back on Meghan’s grand plan to revolutionize the monarchy. Princess Eugenie, Beatrice’s sister and fellow fancy hat enthusiast, has also jumped ship. And let me tell you, Meghan is not taking this betrayal well at all.

According to my sources (and by sources, I mean the voices in my head and a few tabloids I read while waiting in line at the grocery store), Meghan has gone crazy over this betrayal. I mean, can you blame her, guys? She probably thought she had the York sisters in her back pocket. After all, they’re not exactly at the top of the royal pecking order. But nope, turns out blood is thicker than water, or in this case, thicker than whatever green juice Meghan is peddling these days.

Now, here’s where it gets interesting. Bea and Eugenie have apparently told Meghan in no uncertain terms, “We don’t want to be part of your royal revenge game against the monarchy.” Ouch, talk about a burn. That’s got to sting more than the time Meghan realized she couldn’t trademark the Crown Jewels.

But let’s get back to Beatrice for a second. This security upgrade isn’t just about protecting her from Meghan’s death glares. Oh no, it’s much more serious than that. According to my insider sources (aka my overactive imagination), RAVC is taking this very seriously. They’ve got Bea on speed dial, they’ve probably got some kind of secret royal locator on her at all times, probably hidden in one of those ridiculous hats, and they’re ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice if things go sideways.

 Back in 2011, they got the boot from the royal protection squad, much to the dismay of their dear old dad, Prince Andrew. But now, it seems the tables have turned. Beatrice is back in the security game, baby. But here’s the absolute kicker: this isn’t a full-time gig. No, Bea only gets the royal treatment when she’s out there doing official royal business. So, if she’s just popping down to Tesco for some milk and biscuits, she’s on her own. But if she’s cutting ribbons, shaking hands, and trying not to look bored at charity events, she’s got a whole squad watching her back.

The big old irony. Meghan and Harry left the UK partly because they were worried about security. They kicked up a fuss, made a big stink about how they were in danger, and even tried to pay for their own security, which would have been more like Paul Blart mall cop than James Bond. And now, Beatrice, who’s way down the line of succession, is getting the royal treatment. It’s crazy.

Remember when Harry came back to the UK for the Invictus anniversary? Well, guess who was in charge of his security? That’s right, our friends at RAVC, the same folks who are protecting Beatrice. Oh, the sweet irony. I bet that burns Meghan more than the time she realized she couldn’t trademark “Sussex Royal.”

I could just imagine Meghan pacing around their Montecito mansion, plotting her revenge. She’s probably got a vision board full of pictures of Beatrice and Eugenie with big red X’s through them. Oh yeah, she’s probably rehearsing dramatic monologues in the mirror, practicing her best “you can’t sit with us” face. And let’s be real, she’s probably on the phone to Netflix right now, pitching a new tell-all deal.

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