The renegade royal never manages to stay out of the news for long. Now the spotlight is back on Prince Harry and his memoir Spare, nominated for a number of prizes at last night’s British Book Awards. But, unluckily for the precious Prince, his book was beaten to first place in every category it was in. Better luck next time…

First, the ex-royal faced disappointment in the book of the year award, which saw a publication of puzzles — Murder by GT Karber — beat the Prince’s tell-all. Then Harry lost to Rory Stewart’s Politics on the Edge in the non-fiction narrative category. And, in what will surely come as a blow to the ego, the monarch of Montecito missed out on being crowned author of the year — which went instead to Katherine Rundell of the children’s fantasy series Impossible Creatures. 

The pampered Prince’s raunchy tell-all takes the reader through a rollercoaster of events from the royal rebel’s past. From losing his virginity in a field to an older woman, tales of his frostbitten penis and details of his magic mushroom use, Harry’s memoir is quite the eye-opener. It’s one of a number of projects the Montecito monarchs have embarked on since escaping the UK for California — including a failed Spotify podcast deal that ended with a company exec blasting the pair as ‘f***ing grifters’, and Meghan’s lifestyle brand ‘American Riviera Orchard’ which saw an underwhelming launch on Instagram this year. The couple have also reportedly hired a PR guru to help resurrect their image — which, after the Holyrood Reporter dubbed them its biggest losers of 2023, Mr S rather imagines they’ll need. 

It’s yet more bad news for the ex-royal, as the timing of his book flop coincides with Prince William’s appointment yesterday as colonel-in-chief of Harry’s old Army Air Corps unit. And the youngest Prince was snubbed by his own father during his visit to the UK some days ago after the King’s diary was reportedly too full to make space for his son. Talk about a rough week…