Well, well, well—it looks like the Duchess of Sussex has hit yet another roadblock in her quest for world dominance. Just when you thought Meghan Markle couldn’t possibly stumble any more in her attempts to become the next Gwyneth Paltrow, the US Patents and Trademarks Office has swooped in to deliver a massive reality check.

Apparently, dear Meghan tried to trademark the name of her new lifestyle brand, “American Riviera Orchard,” for international use, but the application was riddled with—wait for it—”irregularities.””. Yes, the very woman who fancies herself a savvy businesswoman and lifestyle guru couldn’t even get the paperwork right. You can’t make this stuff up.

According to reports, the Trademarks Office notified the Sussexes’ lawyers of various issues, including the incorrect classification of products like yoga blankets, picnic baskets, and recipe books. Yoga blankets? Picnic baskets? Is Meghan planning to sell a full Martha Stewart-esque lifestyle line, or did she just throw a bunch of random items into her trademark application and hope no one would notice?

And let’s talk about those recipe books. Meghan, you’ll recall, is the culinary mastermind behind that groundbreaking charity cookbook “Together”—you k know, the one where she contributed a single recipe for banana bread. Clearly, the Duchess is quite the culinary maven, so it’s no surprise her team struggled to properly categorize her expertise in that arena.

Oh, and the cherry on top of this delightful sundae of incompetence? The agency said that Meghan needs to cough up a cool £9,000 in fees to various bodies around the world to actually register the trademark. Imagine spending nearly a decade as a working royal and then fumbling something as basic as filing the paperwork for your own lifestyle brand. The royal family must be thrilled.

But wait, there’s more! A source close to Meghan confirmed that American Riviera Orchard has received multiple “Notices of Irregularity” requesting clarifications. Apparently, these types of issues are “typical and entirely expected” when filing international trademark applications. Typical and expected, huh? Well, that’s certainly reassuring. I’m sure Meghan’s legions of loyal fans will be thrilled to hear that their queen can’t even handle the most elementary aspects of launching a brand.

And let’s not forget the disastrous influencer campaign Meghan kicked off earlier this year, where she sent jars of her “American Riviera Orchard” jam to celebrities like Oprah and Chrissy Teigen. Not only did that stunt reek of desperation, but it also sparked rumors that the jam was actually just renamed Bonne Maman. Way to really wow us with your culinary prowess, Meghan.

At this point, it’s abundantly clear that the Duchess of Sussex is way over her head when it comes to the world of business and entrepreneurship. She may have grand visions of becoming the next Goop, but based on these latest trademark troubles, it seems Meghan can’t even get the basics right. Maybe she should stick to acting—at least she was moderately successful at that—before marrying into the royal family and throwing it all away.

I, for one, can’t wait to see what other hilariously inept missteps Meghan takes as she continues her quest for lifestyle brand dominance. Will she accidentally trademark her brand for use in the metaverse? Did she forget to pay her taxes? Accidentally send jars of jam to the wrong A-listers? The possibilities for cringe are endless.

So, dear readers, let’s sit back and enjoy the show as Meghan Markle’s business dreams slowly unravel before our eyes. After all, nothing is more satisfying than watching someone with an inflated sense of their own importance repeatedly trip over their own feet. Pass the popcorn, and let the petty commentary commence!