It’s September 8th, 2022. The world’s longest-reigning monarch is on her deathbed, and the royal family is scrambling like headless chickens to get to Balmoral. You’d think this would be a time for unity, putting aside petty squabbles and coming together as a family. 

Initially, we all thought Harry and Meghan would be arriving together like some sort of unified front. But surprise, surprise, an official statement drops faster than Meghan’s acting career, saying Harry’s flying solo. Why, you ask? Well, apparently the royals thought bringing Meghan was not appropriate. Ouch, that’s got to sting more than a wasp at a picnic.

While the rest of the royal family is piling into an RAF flight like it’s the last chopper out of Saigon, Harry’s busy trying to convince everyone that Meghan should come along. It’s like watching a toddler throw a tantrum in the supermarket because Mommy won’t buy him candy. Except in this case, the toddler is a 38-year-old man, and the candy is his wife.

But here’s where it gets really juicy. King Charles, in what I can only imagine was his first act as the new monarch, puts his foot down. He tells Harry, “Nope, not appropriate.” And let me tell you, folks, I would have paid good money to see Harry’s face in that moment—probably turned redder than his hair.

So, while William, Andrew, Edward, and Sophie are jetting off to Balmoral like the royal version of The Avengers, Harry’s left behind, throwing a hissy fit. He ends up taking a private jet, because of course he does. Our eco-warrior prince, always practicing what he preaches, right?

But wait, it gets better. Harry’s so busy arguing with his family and trying to smuggle Meghan into Scotland that he misses the RAF flight. Talk about dropping the ball. He’s so late to the party that by the time his plane lands in Aberdeen, the Queen’s already passed away. Talk about bad timing.

Now, you’d think that might be a wake-up call for Harry. You’d think he’d realize that maybe, just maybe, he should have put his family drama aside and focused on saying goodbye to his grandmother. But nope, our boy Harry is so furious that he refuses to have dinner with Charles, William, and Camilla that night. Let that sink in for a moment. His grandmother just died, his father has just become king, and Harry’s response is to throw a tantrum and refuse to eat with his family. It’s like watching a bad soap opera, except the actors are less convincing and the plot is more ridiculous.

 A source says Charles has an open invitation for Harry to dine with him whenever he’s in the country. How generous, how magnanimous. And how does Harry respond to this olive branch? By slapping it away and stomping off in a huff. It’s a massive snub, says the source. Yeah, no kidding. It’s like turning down tea with the Queen. Oh, wait.

And then, as if this whole situation wasn’t farcical enough, Harry apparently left Balmoral at the earliest opportunity to catch the first commercial flight back to London. I’m sorry, what happened to the private jet, Harry? Did your eco-conscience suddenly kick in, or did you just realize that throwing a tantrum is less fun when there’s no one around to watch?

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “But you’re saying Harry and Meghan did join William and Kate to greet well-wishers later on. Surely that counts for something?” Oh, you sweet summer children. That was about as genuine as Meghan’s acting career. It was a PR move, pure and simple, a way to show the world that they’re still part of the family, even if they are about as welcome as a fox in a henhouse.

And let’s not forget, Harry did get to wear his military uniform for the vigil at Westminster Hall. How generous of the family to let him play dress-up one last time. I’m sure that made up for all the hurt feelings and damaged relationships, right? Right.

But here’s the real tea, folks. Royal author Katie Nicholl, who’s got more inside scoops than an ice cream parlor, says there hasn’t been a reconciliation between Harry and William. Shocker. You mean to tell me that years of public backstabbing, tell-all interviews, and Netflix docuseries haven’t magically healed their relationship? I’m stunned, absolutely stunned.

So, what have we learned from this royal show? Well, for one, Harry and Meghan are about as good at timing as a broken clock. They managed to turn what should have been a solemn family moment into yet another episode of The Harry and Meghan Show. But more importantly, we’ve seen that the royal family has finally grown a backbone when it comes to dealing with these two troublemakers. Charles putting his foot down about Meghan coming to Balmoral? That’s not just a king asserting his authority; that’s a father saying enough is enough. And you know what? Good for him. Good for all of them.

Because let’s be real, folks. Harry and Meghan have been playing the victim card so hard, it’s practically worn out. They’ve been crying about privacy while splashing their dirty laundry across every media outlet that’ll have them. They’ve been whining about the pressures of royal life while clinging desperately to their titles and the perks that come with them. It’s high time someone called their bluff. It’s high time someone said, “You want out? Fine, you’re out.” But you don’t get to cherry-pick which parts of royal life you keep.

Because that’s what this is really about, isn’t it? Harry and Meghan want all the perks of being royal without any of the responsibilities or scrutiny. They want to be treated like royalty when it suits them and like private citizens when it doesn’t. Well, I’ve got news for you, Haz and Megs. That’s not how it works in the real world. In the real world, actions have consequences. In the real world, you can’t trash your family on international television and then expect them to welcome you back with open arms. In the real world, you can’t demand privacy while constantly putting yourself in the spotlight. And in the real world, when your grandmother is dying, you put your petty grievances aside and you show up. You don’t argue about who gets to come. You don’t throw a temper tantrum when you don’t get your way. And you certainly don’t refuse to have dinner with your grieving family.

But hey, what do I know? I’m just a humble critic watching this royal drama unfold like the rest of you. But let me tell you, folks, if this is how Harry and Meghan behave when the chips are down, when the family really needs to come together, then maybe, just maybe, the royals are better off without them. Because at the end of the day, the monarchy isn’t about individual egos or personal vendettas. It’s about duty, about service, about putting the needs of the nation above your own. And from where I’m sitting, Harry and Meghan have shown time and time again that they’re not interested in any of that.

So here’s my advice to the royal family: Stand firm. Don’t let these two drama queens dictate the narrative anymore. You’ve got a monarchy to run, a nation to serve, and a legacy to uphold. Don’t let Harry and Meghan’s soap opera distract you from what really matters. And to Harry and Meghan: Grow up. Move on. Find a purpose that doesn’t involve constantly rehashing your grievances or playing the victim. You wanted freedom? Well, you’ve got it. Now use it to do something meaningful, something that doesn’t involve throwing your family under the bus at every opportunity. Because right now, you’re not revolutionary. You’re not brave. You’re not speaking your truth. You’re just two entitled individuals who can’t seem to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

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