Oh, joy. The Sussexes are finally tearing themselves away from their glamorous Colombian adventure to face the monumental challenge of… sending their kid to school. Can you believe the drama?

I mean, it’s not like they’re sending little Archie off to boarding school in the Scottish Highlands or anything. It’s probably some overpriced, organic, quinoa-serving academy where the kids wear designer sweatpants to class. Still, the Sussexes want us to think this is a huge deal.

Let’s be honest, this is just another opportunity for them to milk their royal status for all it’s worth. A carefully staged photo op of Harry looking like a lost puppy as he waves goodbye to his precious son, while Meghan wipes a fake tear from her perfectly mascaraed eye. We’ve seen this playbook before, folks.

And don’t even get me started on the inevitable Instagram post about how Archie is “so excited to learn and grow” and how they’re “so proud of their little boy.” Spare me. As if any other kid isn’t excited to start school. This is just another chance for the Sussexes to preach about their perfect, woke parenting style.

I’m sure there will be endless articles about what school Archie is going to, what his uniform looks like, and what kind of lunchbox he’ll be carrying. It’s all so incredibly important, isn’t it?

I just hope little Archie can handle the pressure of being the center of the world’s attention. It’s a tough gig, being a Sussex.

So, let’s see how long it takes for this non-story to dominate the news cycle.